25.1.12 ; 10:37 : Iv been meaning to write about this for awhile. I just need to get this out of my chest cause its been bugging me these past few days. Yknow how when people say you're lucky enough to be studying in Egypt as compared to other countries like European countries, because you are more exposed to religious things here, and it automatically turns you into a better person. Well, honestly this is all bull.  It doesnt matter where you are at, it depends on how YOU takecare of yourself when you're far away from home. Honestly, I am so mad. So mad at myself I feel like I dont deserve to be here. People say you will change and become a better person. 2 months, and Iv done some pretty nasty shit I cant even imagine of doing in Malaysia. I hate myself because I cant take care of myself, I let myself get into stupid things. Nama je budak ambik medic, kat Egypt pulak tu tapi otak letak kat lutut.

I chose to come here because I am easily influenced by everyone, and I knew I cant handle taking up medicine in Malaysia because I'm more closer to friends and all. I thought by coming here,  I could change to become a better person. I've turned into a worst version of myself ever since I got here and I hate it. I guess I deserved it though, I let myself get into nasty things and now its left me feeling empty, used and sad all the time. I knew I shouldn't have got myself involved in these kind of things, but I did. And now I feel shitty as ever.